


Inhale

by Xyanide



Series: The Trick is to Keep Breathing [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, FrostIron - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rape Recovery, Teenagers, Thunderfrostiron - Freeform, Tony Stark Has A Heart, mentions of past rape/non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 22:45:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15180983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyanide/pseuds/Xyanide
Summary: Tony's been pining over Loki for a year, and now he's got him where he wants him; astride his lap, kissing him, whispering promises of things to come. Everything Tony could wish for, except for Loki's large intimidating brother sitting right next to them.





	Inhale

**Author's Note:**

> You should read the first part of this series, or atleast the latter half of the second chapter, but it's not necessary. There will be a few flashbacks to the first part but nothing really graphic. Just make sure you've read the warnings. :)

It had taken Tony close to ten months to get Loki to agree to go on a date. Usually he would've just shrugged and moved on to the next person at such blatant rejection but the guy had seriously tickled his interest. Sure, he was a weird kid. Always sitting with his brother or alone and always wearing those long-sleeved shirts with sometimes an additional overshirt on top despite the Californian summer heat. He constantly had his nose in books or his pad but on the first few occassions that Tony had managed to get him to say more than a few smartass remarks, he had shown just how intelligent he was when having a debate over some engineering project or another that Tony was doing at the time.

So yeah, weird but clever. Probably had some diagnose of some kind like autism, or maybe he just was super-ultra-introverted, but Tony didn't mind. Loki was both cute and intriguing and Tony surprised himself when he kept asking Loki out on dates, despite always getting the instant rejections where Loki ignored him for the the rest of the day before Tony pestered him into talking to him as friends again.

Tony had asked his buddy Thor, Loki's older brother, about Loki and his reclusiveness – because why did Loki always sit at a table by himself at the school cafeteria and the coffee shop the gang usually were hanging out at instead of at the booth with Thor, Tony and the rest of them? – but Thor had simply shaken his head and said that it was all up to Loki.

Thor had watched Tony like a hawk those first times he had tried to engage Loki in conversation, to try and get the dark-haired boy to join him and the rest of the gang, but when Thor had noticed that Tony had tried to actually flirt with Loki, the large muscle-packed blonde had cornered Tony in the bathroom and taken a hold of Tony's neck and pressed him up against a wall, demanding that Tony would stop harassing his little brother. Tony had pointed out that their friendship might crack if Thor choked him to death, and Thor had released his hold but hadn't stepped out of Tony's face. Only once Tony had managed to convince the scary giant that he actually was interested in Loki as more than just some random fuck-trophy had Thor backed off and let his friend carry on his doomed mission.

That had probably been the scariest moment of Tony's life. He'd never expected someone so friendly, like an overgrown puppy, to be that frightening. He supposed maybe it had something to do with those big brother insticts, not like Tony would know, but whenever he tried to flirt with Loki it was always with the feeling of Thor glaring a hole in his neck.

Loki would've told Thor if he was uncomfortable with Tony's advances but Loki never did. It was almost as though Loki had come to find them amusing but wouldn't admit to it. So Thor let Tony keep on with it regardless of how much he himself hated it, because Loki didn't tell Thor to tell his friend to stop. Then one day, seemingly out of the blue for Tony, Loki was actually the one to tell Tony to show up at his place for a date.

However, where one brother was, the other was never too far away, and tonight was no different. But to have Thor in the very next seat from Loki was kind of pushing it, especially with Thor's demands still perfectly clear in his head even after all this time.

_* "No kissing, absolutely no fucking, and not a single touch on his person unless he specifically allows you to with his own words." *_

Yeah, he was completely breaking that first rule, despite Tony's promise to Thor to be a perfect gentleman towards Loki. Being the perfect date had been his plan from the beginning though, he'd shown up with a beautiful bouquet and everything, and served Loki the soft drinks and pizza slices they'd ordered, everything to make a good impression on both brothers, but during the movie Loki had cuddled up with him, touched him, whispered soft words in his ear, asked for Tony to touch him too, and Tony had glanced over at Thor, just waiting for the blonde to bash his skull in, as he'd tried to not react too much to Loki's advances.

Loki didn't seem too annoyed with his overprotective guard dog though, au contraire he seemed more fun and at ease than whenever Thor wasn't within his immediate reach, and not even halfway through the movie Loki had straddled Tony's lap and started to kiss him. Tony had let out a yelp and looked over at Thor, expecting his immediate death, but Thor looked pointedly straight forwards at the tv.

"Never mind him," Loki said inbetween kisses.

"Kind of hard to with his hand grabbing your knee."

Loki smiled and gently bit Tony's lower lip.

"Does he scare you?" he asked to which Tony immediately nodded because yeah, Thor was his almost-always cheery friend but he had also been without a doubt the scariest man Tony had ever encountered.

"Don't worry," Loki spoke softly with a small smile as he leaned back to look into Tony's eyes as his hands cupped his face. "I'll protect you."

He leaned in to give Tony a tender peck on the lips before he looked over at his brother.

"He won't do anything to you. Isn't that right, Thor?"

Thor glanced at them and rolled his eyes before he turned back to the tv, but his hand remained casually on Loki's knee, as if he wasn't even aware that it was there.

"See? He's completely harmless," Loki tried to convince Tony before giving him another kiss.

Tony wasn't really buying it, but he had started to relax and began to kiss Loki back with more effort for a minute before pulling back.

"No, but I did promise him I'd be a perfect gentleman towards you, and this isn't exactly it," Tony said as he broke away, his hands softly caressing Loki's hips as if ready to physically lift him away.

Loki huffed and gave him a strained smile.

"I don't care what you promised him, you aren't on a date with him now, are you?"

"Well...," Tony raised his eyebrows and looked over at Thor pointedly.

Loki rolled his eyes with an amused huff of breath.

"Stark, you know what I mean. Besides, you've been pestering me about dating you for almost a year now, I thought you wanted this."

The look on Loki's face was like the tone of his voice; nonchalant as if not caring either way if Tony would go with it or not, but Tony _knew_ that face all too well, he'd worn it himself countless of times. A facade to not reveal anything of what he truly felt on the inside. Loki had put on an act to cover up his insecurities and Tony couldn't help but wonder why. Loki knew Tony wanted him, how much he liked him, yet he seemed to fear rejection.

He stroked Loki's arms soothingly over the fabric of his long-sleeved shirt, knowing how much the other boy hated to be touched but still wanted to assure him.

"I do want you, Loki, and I really do want to kiss you. I just didn't expect you to want to move forward so quickly on the first date, is all."

Loki looked at him in silence for a moment.

"You know I'm going home tomorrow," he said then. "I won't exactly have the opportunity of getting a second date with you anytime soon."

"Is that what the rush is about?" Tony asked as his hands settled on Loki's hips, fingers spread out to caress him.

"No, I want to kiss you because I feel like kissing you and I thought you wanted it too."

His tone was playful but Tony could sense the frustration beneath. Thor must've too with the way his hand gripped Loki's knee tighter as if to calm him down.

Loki gave Tony a wide smile and leaned forward to place a few soft kisses on Tony's lips, making Tony respond with kisses of his own.

"If you want me to stop I will," Loki moaned as he shifted his hips closer to Tony's. "Just don't say it because of Thor."

Tony bit his own lip as Loki's crotch made contact with his own and he tried his hardest to not buck up for more contact. Loki kissed the side of his mouth as he stroked Tony's neck softly. His kisses trailed down Tony's jaw, to his neck and collarbone, before moving up to his mouth again. Soft sweet kisses, a few licks and gentle nibbles. Loki really seemed to know how to do this and Tony couldn't help but to wonder when he'd learned these skills, considering he'd always been so uninterested in other people.

He managed to make Tony be much more at ease and soon enough Tony was back to kissing Loki. Loki guided Tony's hands up to his neck and hair where Tony stroked him gently and Loki sighed softly into his mouth.

"That feels really nice," he murmured.

Tony groaned at the sound, wanting desperately to hear more of Loki saying things like that. He kept caressing Loki and carding his fingers through his hair as he licked into Loki's mouth, drawing him back into another kiss, making him moan.

It was sweet, gentle, perfect, and just what Loki seemed to need as he melted into Tony's touch. They kissed for a few minutes before Loki decided to move on to the next step, and began to thrust his hips against Tony's.

Tony broke the kiss to draw in a sharp breath and his body automatically thrust back. Loki kissed him again as one of his hands slowly made its way down to Tony's crotch, making him thrust up into it, feeling how hard he was getting.

"Loki...", Tony moaned and Loki shivered with anticipation rather than fear.

He could do this.

Just a bit more and Tony would do anything for him.

He put more pressure on Tony's crotch, drawing out delicious noises from his mouth. Loki leaned in closer and placed his mouth by Tony's ear to pant into it as he kept grinding slowly.

"Tony," he sighed wantonly, and the responding noise Tony made told Loki everything.

He wouldn't back out.

Loki kept going for a few minutes more before finally deeming it the right moment to tell Tony what he wanted from him. He felt how hard Tony was, he listened to the sounds he made, felt his rapid breathing on his skin.

"I want you to fuck me, Tony," Loki moaned into his ear.

Tony's pupils dilated with want and he was desperate to do exactly what Loki asked of him, but he coughed into his hand and reigned himself in.

"I should tell you, as lovely as your idea sounds, that I've made a promise to your big brother that I would absolutely not do that with you."

Loki huffed and leaned back to look at him, then at Thor, then back at Tony again.

"What did I just tell you about me not caring what you told Thor? I didn't ask you to come over here just for a make-out session," Loki said slowly to make sure Tony understood how serious he was about it. "Thor has promised to not bash your head in for doing unspeakable things to me. Isn't that right, Thor?"

Thor gruffed.

"See?" Loki smiled brightly and moved in to kiss the side of Tony's lips. "Besides, it was actually Thor who suggested I'd ask you on a date."

Tony's eyes widened.

"H-he did?"

"Yes. So this is all Thor-approved, if it's what you want to hear. And we're all friends, right? Friends shouldn't fear each other. So anything he's threatened you with, or your promises to him, none of that matters now. You're on a date with me and it's only our own rules that matters now."

Loki stroked the side of Tony's face with one hand while still supplying pressure on Tony's crotch with the other, urging him to keep thrusting up into it.

"How about we ditch this loser and go somewhere even more private?"

Loki grinned at him with a mischievious sparkle in his eyes.

"I can hear you, Stark," Thor growled.

"You don't mind an audience, do you, Tony?"

Tony's eyes widened again and Loki leaned in to kiss the side of his mouth to not risk ruining the moment completely.

"I mean, you're experienced, right? I heard you talking about those twins from last year at Steve's party. And what you told Clint about fucking someone on the beach. And when you told Wanda--"

"You have a really good hearing."

"I do. So why not add one more experience, really?" He licked a trail from Tony's mouth to his ear where he sucked the ear lobe into his mouth and bit gently on it before whispering, "Fuck me in front of my brother."

As Loki kissed him, Tony couldn't help but to let his eyes wander down to Thor's hold on Loki's knee. Was this some sort of game, were they just using him? He couldn't help but to think about the brothers constantly being with or nearby each other. Thor's protectiveness over Loki and his threats to Tony, and Loki's skills with kissing... it suddenly made sense. The thought didn't weird him out as much as he probably expected it to, and he just might have given a more forceful thrust into Loki's hand.

"Are you two a thing?"

Thor withdrew his hand from Loki as if burned and Loki almost reached out to grab him, to place the hand back to where he needed it, but let his brother recoil. Loki looked at him, begging him to stay where he was, and Thor let out a sigh as he returned his focus to the television.

Loki thought about going into the bedroom with Tony, to spare Thor from this, but the mere thought made his heart race from fear. He _needed_ this, he needed to get fucked while he was in control and he needed his brother's company to not freak out from all the bad memories. He'd let Tony believe whatever he wanted him to believe to get him where he wanted him, but he didn't want to make Thor feel any more discomfort than he already did.

He looked back at Tony with a small smile to not scare him off with the sheer determination on his face. He had to trust that he knew where he had Tony.

"I want it like this. And if you're not up to it, then there's the door."

Tony looked at him for a long while, then glanced over to Thor before looking back at Loki. Loki was a strange kid, and this requirement only added to it, but when it came down to it, Tony knew he wouldn't be able to back out. Not when he'd gotten this far. He liked Loki far too much, and he'd probably agree to even stranger things than this if Loki wanted him to.

"Anything you want," Tony said earnestly.

Loki grinned widely at him, his relief plain to see even though he tried to hide it. He leaned in to kiss Tony again, his right hand gripped Tony's hair while his left started groping Tony's bulge with clear intent.

Tony responded eagerly and let his hands travel down Loki's arms to his lower back. Loki let out an almost inaudible gasp at the slight pressure against his scars and Thor's hand instantly went back to his knee to remind him of his presence and to calm him down. Before Tony could realise what had happened between Loki and Thor, Loki moaned and groped him harder to keep his focus elsewhere.

It was only when Tony tried to lift up Loki's shirt that Loki broke the kiss and frowned at him.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to get your shirt off."

"I'm not a girl, there aren't any boobs there for you."

"You don't want your nipples kissed? That's okay."

Tony let the shirt fall back down but left his hands underneath the fabric. His fingers caressed the skin of Loki's flat stomach, intent on travelling upwards over his ribs and chest, but stopped when Loki froze with a faraway look in his eyes.

"You're not some shy virgin, are you?"

He could hear Thor growl threatingly beside them but the older boy didn't say anything or move, save for calmly stroking Loki's thigh, as Tony waited for Loki's response. Loki kept his eyes steadily on Tony's as he pondered his options but he must've taken too long to decide what to say.

"You are a virgin, aren't you?" Tony said then, his voice filled with awe over the honour of him being Loki's first.

_'Haven't been for quite some time,'_ Loki thought bitterly but didn't say anything, instead opting to lean in to kiss the side of Tony's neck.

"Don't worry babe, I'm gonna make this unforgettable for you," Tony murmured into his ear.

"You better," Loki agreed.

Tony began stroking Loki's ribs again but frowned a bit as he felt what he thought was deep scar tissue right before the other boy pulled his hands away to place them on his hips.

"I'm leaving my shirt on, and I don't want you to touch me there more than you have to, okay?" Loki's voice was shaking a little, just enough for Tony to pick up on it. "Everywhere else is fine."

Tony looked deep into his eyes, trying to figure out what exactly had happened to Loki to cause him to be so guarded. Self-harm? That could explain the scars he'd felt and why Loki constantly felt the need to cover himself up. As much as he wanted to reassure Loki that whatever scars he had wouldn't make him less desirable he knew better than to try and do it now. It would take time and they simply didn't have enough of it left together for that. Tony couldn't help but wish he'd bothered to figure it out in the early stages of their friendship instead of shrugging it off as another one of Loki's strange quirks.

"Anything you want, Loki," he promised.

Loki let out a small chuckle to ease the tension in the air and went back to kissing Tony.

Kissing was easy, despite his initial discomfort at even being close to Tony. Kissing wasn't something that had been taken against his will. Now when he'd gotten used to it again, it almost felt as exciting as it had done back home with Fandral and a few other boys he'd dated. Kissing was safe. Atleast he could cross that off in case he failed to go through with the rest.

He took his time with kissing Tony, momentarily letting himself forget the pressure he'd put on himself for things to go even farther so he could let himself truly begin to enjoy it. Tony was a great kisser and he respectfully kept his hands on safe places like Loki's hair, neck and legs. Thor's hand had moved down to the couch where it simply brushed against the side of Loki's leg, not actively on him but still present.

Loki's hands ventured down Tony's body to sneak into his shirt to feel the skin beneath.

"Want me to take it off?" Tony asked him and Loki nodded.

He leaned back to give Tony space to remove his shirt and Loki took a moment to observe his nicely toned body before he let his fingers trail across his chest and down his abdomen to the side of his waist and then up to his shoulder. Tony watched him with a fond smile as he let Loki take all the time he needed.

Loki leaned down to give Tony's shoulder a few soft kisses before moving down to his chest. He could feel his anxiety start to rear its ugly head again with the removal of the shirt, reminding him of what's to come, and he stubbornly kept kissing, licking and touching Tony's body until he felt calmer again. He was in control.

He reached down and squeezed Thor's hand lightly as a head's up for taking a step further before he moved back from Tony's lap to kneel on the carpeted floor inbetween his legs. He reached down beneath the couch to pull out a small box that he lifted up onto the seat next to Tony.

"I didn't know your size so I picked a few of everything," Loki said, trying not to sound nervous, then added lamely, "Thor picked the extra small ones, though."

Tony shifted through the packs of condoms, looking for the one he wanted. Not an XS one and he gave Thor a pointed look. There were a few different brands of lubrication as well, as if Loki hadn't been able to decide which one would best do the job, as well as a package of wet wipes to clean the mess up afterwards.

"You're well-prepared," Tony noted as he took it all in.

"I was hoping you wouldn't turn me down," Loki let out a small nervous laugh.

"You knew I wouldn't," Tony corrected and leaned forward to give him a kiss. "Are you still absolutely sure about this, though?"

"I am," Loki assured with some annoyance, mostly at himself for having shown too much of his insecurities. "Now let's take those pants off."

He started unbuttoning Tony's jeans and Tony lifted his hips so that Loki could pull the pants and underwear down. He threw them aside and then faced the hard dick right in front of him.

He'd seen naked dicks before, when he'd been waiting in the locker room for Thor to finish up after his football practice and the few home matches he played. It wasn't exactly as if Loki had been ogling Thor's teammates as some perv, but when some of them walked around without a care about their nudity it's been difficult to not look. It hadn't worried him so much because they were all flaccid and none of them were interested in him, but Tony's dick was _hard_ and _right in front of his face_ and the last time _that_ had happened was...

"Put the condom on," Loki demanded, hoping his breathless tone could be mistaken as awed instead of trying to hold back his sickness.

Tony did as told and Loki caressed Tony's thighs as he watched. It was easier to look at the dick when it was covered in blue latex, it didn't look the same as the other ones. Loki could breathe easier again. Tony was completely nude and Loki still fully dressed. It was the opposite of last time and he was in charge and he could do this, he _better_ do this before he lost all of his nerve.

He reached out his left hand to touch it, to listen to every sound Tony made as he curled his fingers loosely around it and stroked it gently, almost teasingly. Tony thrust up into his hand, wanting more but not demanding. He was an average size, both in length and girth, and Loki _could do this_.

His right hand gripped Thor's ankle tightly for support as he looked up at the large blonde and Tony almost missed the silent moment between the brothers where Thor nodded his consent to be touched while Loki was doing this. Put at ease with Thor's response, Loki leaned forward to give an experimental lick on Tony's dick.

It tasted like blueberry, not like the skin of _them_ , or the metal of a gun, or the bitterness of come and other things. Blueberry was new, untainted, and he licked it again, just underneath the head of the cock, making Tony moan. Tony sounded lovely, and he licked again to hear more of it.

Loki's right hand was still clutching Thor's leg tightly as he took a deep breath and let the cock enter his mouth. Just the very tip of the head. His tongue wrapped around it just like how he used to when he did these things willingly before. The blueberry taste helped him force away the hated memories of the gun and the cocks shoved into him.

A deep breath, then taking in some more. Tony remained still, letting Loki take things in his own time. Tony's hands were on either side of him on the couch, steadying himself. Loki was thankful for that, he wouldn't want Tony to grip his hair right now, not when he was busy trying to overcome this memory. Another deep breath, another half inch in.

His tongue went everywhere, trying to map out every tiny detail of Tony's cock through the rubber. He withdrew a bit before taking it in again and Tony groaned so deliciously and the constriction in Loki's chest started to fade away because look at him actually sucking cock again without wanting to throw up at the very thought.

He let go of it with a wet pop and stroked it with his hand as he eased his grip on Thor's leg. He nuzzled the cock, his lips placing a few butterfly kisses along the shaft, a stroke with the tip of his tongue here and there, taking his time. Not being forced. He kept his touches strictly to the blueberry condom at first, but as his heart rate eased down he placed a few kisses on Tony's inner thighs as well, and eventually his fingers reached down to caress Tony's balls.

"You're amazing," Tony breathed in encouragement and Loki made a decision.

"Stroke my hair. Don't hold my head, not...yet."

Tony again took instructions incredibly well and Loki enjoyed the almost tickling feel of his fingers through his hair for a moment as he kissed his way up the shaft, then took it inside his mouth again. Tony let out a strangled noise and his hand stilled momentarily at a safe distance away from Loki's head before he resumed the action. Tony adjusted his touches to Loki's movements, and never once let his hand remain too close to Loki's head. Maybe he himself had had the experience of someone holding him down while sucking cock.

The memories were still there, they would undoubtedly always be there, but Loki's fears were...manageable. As long as he got to take his time, and didn't have anyone hold him down, with a flavoured condom to help distract him, the memories could almost be like a white noise in the back of his head rather than a movie reel played up right in front of his eyes.

Tony spoke sweet things to him, encouraging him to keep going, and none of it sounded anything like how _they_ spoke to him.

He took in even more and listened to Tony's soft gasps and moans. His left hand left the hold it had on the base of Tony's cock to reach up to his hand, to place it on top of his head. Not pushing, just holding, as Loki moved his head slowly up and down. Loki let it remain for as long as he could bear it, then moved Tony's hand away. Tony resumed his stroking of Loki's hair.

Fandral used to like holding his head. Never in a overpowering forceful grip, just holding on to Loki. If he ever managed to overcome things enough to go back to an old lover, he'd have to tie Fandral up or something to keep him from finding out how much Loki had changed since their last time.

Loki took Tony in even deeper, until he could feel Tony hit the back of his throat. _Their_ words rang in his ears, so loud that it felt like Thor and Tony would hear them.

_* "Swallow, or choke." *_

_* "Didn't it taste good, sweetheart? It won't taste any better on its way up." *_

He shut his eyes tight and backed only enough to take a deep breath through his nose, then went for it. He took all of Tony inside of him, down his throat, and swallowed around him. Once, twice, then let up and sat back on the floor as he panted hard as Tony squeaked and gripped himself tightly to not come right there and then.

Loki had done it. He'd sucked cock, deep-throated cock, and didn't choke or throw up. His heart was racing like he'd run a marathon and the memories were so fresh in his mind that he could recall every dirty detail, but he didn't break into hysteria. His hand was still on Thor's leg but he didn't cling to him, didn't cry and wasn't scared to death for their lives.

He looked up at Tony's pretty face, his gentle brown eyes filled with awe and lust, then to Thor's face, turned away during the act but now faced him with those worried blue eyes silently asking him if he's alright.

And despite all those memories replaying themselves over and over, he felt safe.

He can do this.

He needs to do even more than this, to overcome the other memories as well.

He'd picked their last night in California because he wouldn't be able to back down from going through with it all, he couldn't go back home still being so afraid. And Tony's right here, ready to do anything and everything Loki asked of him.

He distantly heard Tony talking to him and he turned back his gaze to him, trying to understand his words through the deafening ringing in his ears.

"--you okay?"

Loki shook his head quickly as if to get rid of the daze he was in, then offered him a playful smile.

"Of course I'm okay," he said, his voice surprisingly steady. "Did you like it?"

"Are you kidding me, that was amazing, I loved it. Come up here."

Loki's legs were stiff from kneeling on the carpet for so long, but Tony helped him up on the couch and kissed the side of Loki's face. Loki returned his kisses and when Tony's tongue entered his mouth he wondered if Tony could taste the blueberry.

They kissed each other gently while stroking the other's face, both of them needing to calm down even for entirely different reasons. They could take their time, there was no rush.

"You still want more?" Tony asked him after awhile.

Loki nodded and Tony looked around the apartment for which door that would lead to Loki's bedroom.

"We'll stay right here," Loki clarified with a peck to the side of Tony's mouth.

"You sure? It's gonna be a bit messy with the lube and--"

"I don't care, it's not like we're bringing the couch home with us."

And even though Loki had his own bed, he hadn't used it due to his need to be close to Thor to stave off his nightmares. Not that he wanted to do this in a bed anyway. He'd save that for a time when he'd feel secure in doing all of this again, without the risk of his memories being overpowering enough to ruin everything.

"Take off your pants?"

Loki stiffened.

Right, there was that. He almost felt like just lowering his pants enough for Tony to get to his ass, but that was ridiculous. Out of all things he needed to overcome tonight, getting his pants off was the least of his worries. He looked back at Thor for confirmation of him staying, of him still being okay with the positions they'd discussed before Tony's arrival. Thor offered him a tight smile before returning his gaze to the tv and Loki took a deep breath before looking at Tony.

He stood up to remove his pants, then sat back down, his back leaning against Thor's side. Tony watched him, eagerly taking his fill of the pale skin Loki showed him. He wasn't hard, hadn't been throughout any of this, but Tony didn't question it. Maybe he thought Loki was too nervous about his 'first time' to get hard for it or something. He was grateful for him not pointing it out though.

"You're beautiful," Tony said. "And your legs, they go on for miles, god, just look at them. And your cock is really pretty."

"I'm glad you find me physically appealing."

"Cute," Tony grinned and bopped his nose. "You already know how much I love your mind, your sharp intellect, your sense of humour, the way you--"

"Are you just going to feed me compliments all night or are you going to do something?"

"Why not both?"

Tony kissed him as his hands went to caress Loki's inner thighs. Loki drew a shaky breath and closed his eyes as he felt Tony's hands touching him, taking note of how they remained on his legs and didn't touch his cock once without his permission.

"Relax for me, darling. Take deep breaths. You can tell me to stop anytime you want to."

His kisses, his compliments, his touches, everything Tony said and did helped Loki relax more. Thor was a solid rock behind him, and while his scars itched from the constant pressure, reminding him of what Thanos had carved into him, he let himself listen to Tony, his reassurances. This was nothing like last time, Tony wouldn't hurt him, Thor was here, everything would go as planned if only Loki could fucking _relax_.

Thor's hand found it's way to Loki's hair, stroking him gently, making him gasp. He opened his eyes to look straight into Tony's. Tony glanced at Thor's hand but didn't say anything, he looked back to Loki with a gentle smile and leaned in to peck his lips so very lightly, almost not touching them at all. Loki found himself leaning in to get more, to lick Tony's lips and to sneak his tongue into Tony's mouth.

"Lie down for me?"

Tony shifted in his seat to let Loki lie down on the couch with his head on Thor's thighs and Tony kneeling inbetween Loki's calves. Tony lifted one of Loki's legs and kissed a trail from the knee to the foot, which he was giving a gentle rub, then kissed his way up to the knee and inner thigh again. He repeated the movement a few times before doing the same to the other leg, and Loki found himself enjoying it enough for his cock to begin swelling.

Tony placed the leg down and leaned down to mouth over the sensitive skin of Loki's belly, his lips almost tickling Loki as his tongue ocassionally dipped out to lick the skin. No further up than his belly button, then down to his inner thighs, spread widely to accommodate him. Tony blew a streak of hot air at Loki's cock and Loki let out a surprised yelp as he thrust his hips up.

Tony kept mouthing, kissing, licking, and caressing everywhere but within the very vicinity of his cock and Loki felt himself responding to the teasing. He tilted his hips, trying to get Tony to touch him where he needed it, but Tony kept avoiding it for another few minutes.

"Is it okay if I touch your cock?" Tony asked, at last.

"Yes!" Loki replied perhaps a bit too loudly.

Tony looked up at him with a playful smirk before he began to stroke Loki's cock, quickly coaxing it into a full hard-on. Loki watched everything intently.

He'd jerked himself off plenty of times in the last year, of course he had, but it'd felt more like a curse than anything pleasurable. An inconvenient biological function that had to be taken care of, like an itch that had to be scratched even though he'd rather not. He'd forgotten how _good_ it could feel, how he used to love having Fandral stroke it and suck it before the incident.

Tony put a condom on him and brought his mouth to the shaft and kissed it and Loki let out a strangled whine as his head rolled back on Thor's thigh. There were a few more kisses and licks before he was surrounded by the heat of Tony's mouth and he lost his breath. It already felt better than he could remember it being with Fandral, but then again that had been quite a long time ago.

Tony took him in deeper and Loki's mind went blank.

"Stop, stop!"

Tony quickly backed off and Loki's hand instinctively shot out to grab Thor's arm to keep Thor from accidentally hurting Tony. He lied there panting for a while while the two watched him worriedly.

"I... I was about to come," Loki explained sheepishly. "I didn't want to just yet. I want you in me."

Thor's face turned beet red, which Tony watched with fascination before he returned his attentions to Loki. He stroked Loki's thighs, helping him calm down from being so close to the edge.

"Sure, babe. You, ahh, are you ready for us to go there?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Loki responded in a tight voice, making Tony wonder if Loki really meant it.

He wouldn't have said it if he hadn't, right? For the admittedly limited time he'd known Loki, the other had never said anything he didn't mean when it came to personal things like this. Thor certainly didn't seem like he was pressuring Loki to do this in case Tony was used as some sort of replacement for him in order to not cross any boundaries between them as brothers. Loki had told Tony quite clear what he wanted from him but the look in Loki's eyes made Tony hesitate.

"Are you really?" he asked. "I mean, if you're not absolutely sure I'm totally fine with you doing me, if it'd make it easi--"

"Stark, shut up and just do it!"

Tony glanced up at Thor as if checking to see if he thought Loki seemed off too, but he had his head turned away from them again.

Loki shut his eyes tight to get himself under control. Tony was hesitating about fucking him and it was because he'd started to give out the wrong signals. He needed to keep up his act, to show Tony how much he wanted this despite the crippling anxiety threatening to overtake him. If Tony changed his mind and backed out, Loki didn't know what he'd do.

He took a deep breath and looked at Tony with an earnest look. A fake one, but believable enough for Tony.

"Tony, I... Forgive me, that was rude. I'm just nervous. I really do want you inside me. Please."

He reached out to grab Tony by the neck and brought him down for a kiss. His other hand went down to stroke Tony, to keep him hard and interested, to make it difficult for him to back out. Tony moaned against his lips and started to rut into Loki's hand, against his hips, alongside Loki's cock. Loki let him do it for a few minutes before he grabbed a hold of him, forcing him to stop.

"Easy, Tony," he breathed wantonly against Tony's ear and licked it. "I want you so deep inside of me and I don't want you to come until you've fucked me good and proper."

"Oh god, Loki..."

The look on Tony's face calmed him down, he had him now. Tony was back on track and the only thing that could risk ruining this was Loki himself if he couldn't manage to get his memories and anxiety under control.

Tony gave him a quick kiss before sitting up and reaching for his preferred brand of lube as Loki placed a couple of decorative pillows beneath his hips to raise them up. Tony squirted some in his hand and warmed it up by rubbing his hands together. One last look at Loki for confirmation, with Loki nodding his approval, then a finger started circling his hole, teasing over it a few times, watching it clench from the sensation. He let Loki get used to him touching him there and as soon as the other started to relax, he pushed the tip of his finger inside.

Loki gasped and tried so very hard not to think of Thanos roughly preparing him, his large fingers opening him up and coating him with lotion for his own benefit until Loki had lost all energy to struggle against him.

_* "Good boy. See how much easier this is for you when you accept your fate and cooperate?" *_

Loki gritted his teeth and grabbed a hold of Thor. Thor Thor Thor. Thor was safety. As Tony's finger slowly went deeper, in and out, Loki thought of Thor, of his brother's fingers deep inside of him, coating him with a soothing balm when Loki couldn't do it himself due to his injured arms. It was strange to think of his brother like that while Tony was preparing him for sex, but it was preferable to Thanos and eased the tension.

Thor ran his fingers through Loki's hair, helping him to get distracted from the unwanted memories. Thor was with him and he was safe and once this was done and over with Loki could begin healing. It was so simple, really. If only he could keep calm and not scare Tony off, everything would be fine. He wouldn't end up in a broken bleeding mess this time. There was nothing to fear.

"This okay?" he heard Tony ask and he nodded.

"Yeah... Add another."

The sooner they got this over with, the better. He didn't know how much longer he could try and keep calm. Tony added another and Loki grimaced at the feeling. How could it feel like too much when he'd taken something so much bigger?

He spoke to Tony, moved his hips enough to seem to be into it, all the while trying to remember Thor's fingers inside of him instead of Thanos to not start to freak out. Soon enough Tony could move both fingers inside of him without much resistance, and he pulled them out.

"It'll be easier for you if you turn around," Tony suggested.

"No," Loki instantly refused. "I need it to be like this. I want to see you."

As Tony lubed himself up, Loki took deep breaths. This was it, just one more horrific memory to replace with a better one. Tony and Thor would never hurt him, he could do this, he only needed to lay back and _not freak out_. He curled a hand around his cock and stroked himself to keep it hard, to try and bring back some of the pleasure Tony had given him before, but when Tony started to get into position both of Loki's hands went to grab a fierce hold of Thor.

Tony talked to him and Loki couldn't quite make out all the words due to the rush in his ears, but he nodded anyway, urging Tony on. Tony lifted one of Loki's legs, telling Loki to hold it like that for him, but Loki couldn't make himself move either of his hands away from Thor.

Thor surprised them both by holding onto the leg for Tony, his large warm hand helping Loki relax and move the leg up further. Tony lifted Loki's other leg over his shoulder, then leaned down to kiss Loki, mumble sweet words of encouragement, as he rubbed the head of his dick against Loki's hole.

Loki kept his eyes open but still he saw _them_. They were holding him down, held his legs up against his chest. He could see all of their faces looking down at him as Thanos prepared him. He lay completely still, his hands digging painfully into Thor whom started to stroke his leg calmingly.

Tony pushed in, slowly and carefully. He gently rocked in and out, taking his time to let Loki get used to it. He didn't brutally force his way in like Thanos. This was nothing like Thanos, he needed to stop thinking about him, this was Tony, Tony, Tony.

"You're doing great," Tony mumbled into his ear. "Just ease up a little more or it will hurt."

Loki really tried, but the memories came back full-force. Of his arms being dislocated to keep him from struggling as Thanos pounded into him. Him mouthing off instead and getting pistol-whipped. Of Thanos turning him around and carving those words into his back; he could feel them now, each and every single letter burning as if they were brand new. He felt sick, he was going to throw up...!

"Wait, wait, stop!"

Loki clenched up tight and rolled his upper body towards Thor to hyperventilate against Thor's belly. Thor gently rubbed the back of his head, carding his fingers through his hair, speaking gently to him to remind him that he was there.

Tony groaned as he was stuck where he was, unable to pull out from Loki's suffocating hold around him, but after he had caught his breath he joined Thor with helping Loki to calm down. His mind went straight to different scenarios of what could have happened to make Loki panic like this, but he didn't ask about it. His only goal now was to make Loki comfortable again, enough to let him continue or pull out.

"Shh, baby brother, I'm here," Thor's deep voice rumbled softly and after a moment it seemed to reach through to Loki, who leaned back and glanced at Tony.

"I'm... It feels strange, sorry," Loki tried to explain his behaviour in a shaky voice but he knew that Tony didn't buy it. "Just give me a sec, then continue."

"Actually I think we better stop? You're too tense and I will hurt you just by pulling out."

Loki bit his lower lip as he laid down on Thor's thighs again, his breath slowing down little by little. He even let go of Thor with one hand to reach down to stroke his dick, which had started to go flaccid.

"I'd really like if you continued. Please don't make me beg. It just felt weird but it's okay now."

Tony watched him for the longest time, then turned his head towards Thor as if asking him to help convince Loki they should stop.

"You heard my brother," Thor said, his voice sounding rougher than intended. "If you still want to, you should continue."

If _Tony_ still wanted to? Way to put pressure on him. He looked back down at Loki, just as the other reached up to caress the side of Tony's face. Tony turned to kiss the palm of Loki's hand, then kiss a trail up Loki's covered arm until he reached his mouth.

"Only if you're absolutely sure."

"I am. Trust me. Fuck me, Tony."

Tony groaned and couldn't stop himself from rolling his hips into Loki's at those words. He quickly apologised and reached down to take Loki's cock in his hand and stroked it back to full hardness again. Loki whimpered and began to thrust up into Tony's hand, making the cock inside of him slide in and out with each movement.

"There we go, babe. That's much better," Tony praised him as he tried to keep himself still, letting Loki fuck himself on his cock a little while he moved into his fist. "Does that feel better?"

"It does," Loki nodded. "Kiss me."

Tony happily complied and tried to forget about Loki's earlier strange reaction, only focusing on bringing him the most pleasure that he could. One of Loki's hands reached out to Thor's and Tony watched with some jealousy as their fingers interlocked. Loki's other hand ventured down Tony's body, nails digging in just enough to still be pleasurable, until it reached Tony's ass. Loki grabbed a hold of his cheek and pulled him into himself. They both let out a needy groan as Loki kept his hand there to make Tony keep moving.

"L-like that. That's better."

Loki didn't really enjoy the feel of a cock up his ass like the way he'd expected he would over a year ago, but Tony's hand felt nice and he tried to think back on how exquisite it had felt before with Tony's mouth on him. He was getting more used to it by the minute, and hopefully he wouldn't have another panic attack. Progress.

His mind suddenly sparked with bright lights and he keened loudly. He watched Tony with wide eyes. Tony watched him with great interest, as if he were the most fascination thing he'd ever seen. Something that would make the old Loki preen and relish in delight, and he tried to react somewhat close to it, to see if he could make it feel normal again after avoiding other peoples attention for so long.

"Do that again," he said breathlessly.

"This?" Tony asked as he made sure to rub against Loki's prostate again.

Loki's eyes fluttered closed and his pale skin began to flush red with pleasure instead of distress.

"Yes, again!"

Tony tried his best to hit the spot every time and despite a few strokes that didn't quite reach it, Loki still found himself moving back against Tony, wanting more and deeper and faster. Tony's hand on his dick was speeding up as he kissed Loki wherever he could reach. Loki let go of Thor's hand and let his arms wrap around Tony so he could cling to the other boy as he began to lose himself in the unexpected pleasure of it all, his mind too busy trying to comprehend what was happening instead of digging up old memories.

"I'm gonna...!"

Loki's arms around Tony tightened as he came. He clenched hard around Tony, who followed right after; the sight and sound and feel of Loki too beautiful to not to.

Tony waited patiently until Loki came back from cloud nine, he kissed him gently and stroked his face and legs. Loki eventually eased up on his tight hold and lay back against Thor's thigh again.

"Did you like that?" Tony wondered as he slowly moved out of him.

Loki winced at the feeling but nodded.

"That was very acceptable."

Tony huffed out a laugh.

"I should have tried harder, I'd have loved to see your reaction to mindblowing."

Loki let out a small breathless laugh as well.

His body was still shaking from the orgasm and his mind was comfortable numb. He still held onto Tony tightly, giving the other no choice but to be near him and kiss him. This was a luxury he hadn't been able to feel for an entire year and he let himself indulge in it thoroughly.

He felt a bit sore but there was no pain what so ever. No fear. He knew deep inside that this wouldn't magically erase everything that had happened, the crippling terror would still be lurking around the corner waiting for another chance to rear its ugly head, but it was such a relief to finally have some good memories painted over the bad ones. It was a major step to go back to his old self.

Eventually he had to release his hold on Tony as his arms began to hurt. Tony stayed with him for a moment, kissing and touching him as if he'd never get the chance to again – which was probably true – before he sat back to discard of their condoms. He picked up a package of wet wipes to clean themselves off.

Thor looked down at Loki's face.

"You okay?"

"Better than."

Thor smiled gently and stroked the side of his face.

"I'm glad. I'm gonna leave the two of you alone for awhile."

Loki sat up so that his brother could leave to take a shower. He looked after him, so grateful for his presence throughout all of this but also feeling a small sense of dread that it would harm their relationship in the future.

Tony wasn't usually the one to filter things before he said them but he had enough sense to not ask about Thor, or of Loki's strange reactions. This was a moment for them to be alone and bask in the afterglow of some really great sex.

Tony caressed Loki's thigh as Loki moved to lean against him.

"I wish you wouldn't go back home."

"Yeah..."

Loki didn't want to go back. There was nothing there for him, but he knew that Thor had waited so long for this and he'd follow his big brother anywhere. Even home.

"I really am grateful that you decided you wanted to do this with me. I think you're amazing."

Loki felt his smile spread wider across his blushing face. He reached out towards the table to grab a slice of pizza. It'd gone cold but he was too hungry to care.

"I thought you were great, too," he said after swallowing a bite.

This had been so much more than Loki had even dared to hope for. He almost felt angry at himself for waiting until his very last night here, as he wondered if things would go easier on a second round. Maybe he wouldn't even need Thor with him if that was the case?

He let his head rest on Tony's shoulder, taking in a deep breath of Tony's scent. Even though he had used Tony tonight for simply selfish reasons, he'd really truly miss him. Part of him even wanted to fantasize about Tony coming to visit him but he quickly shut that down. It wouldn't happen and he should really focus on enjoying the last few moments he shared with him. He sighed and let his arms rest around Tony's waist as they enjoyed each other's presence.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, comments is the air I breathe. If you liked the story, please leave a comment for me to squee over instead of only pressing the kudos button, thank you!! :) ♥


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